imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I pretend, I talk, I joke, and I laugh, but its all a defence mechanism. Because when I'm backed in a corner I've never been the one to attack. More likely to entertain. God, I can't believe that actually happened. I just want to throw Tharaka against a wall for this. I didn't need to see Cody today, not when I can barely keep my eyes from getting weepy over all this school stuff. And money stuff. It seems sometimes that all my friends are getting their shit together, and I'm still paddling in circles. I just want to get it together. I want to go home. Omg I want to go home so badly some days it actually hurts. And I've been staring at this bottle of wine just wanting to drink it to forget about it all. To give reason to my shame. But I'm scared of these thoughts because what if I'm really just a functioning alcoholic? Because that's what I feel like. That's how I always feel these days. Just barely functioning. 8:41 p.m. - 2014-04-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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