imalex's Diaryland Diary

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Death

I was already struggling with my own mortality and ability to 'rise above' all that weighs me, when I received that phone call Thursday night. Worried about my future, whether I'd find happiness and success, concerned as to where my mother wanted to live - if I'd be in a good place again. Then my dad calls me to tell me Graham is dead. That my Uncle went for a walk Thursday morning, and fell in the river, disappearing under the ice.

We don't know if it was an accident.

My mental health as of late has been nothing close to good. I was already loosing it, and now I feel like it's gone from my fingers. Sure, there are moments where I am present completely alive and happy with life, but in a second my mind is beat. I'm trapped within my own failings. I'm trapped by the obvious history that happiness doesn't last long.

And I can't even sing. And that's all I've ever wanted to do.

4:37 p.m. - 2014-03-03

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