imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - So my mother has decided to rent a one bedroom basement apartment in her friend Barb's house. She says I can have the bedroom and she'll make the living space into her own room. She says I won't be allowed to have friends over, because Barb doesn't want to worry about noise. Ultimately it's not that much of a dire situation, if I do end up having to live like that for a year. BUT, I cannot for a second hold back the anger I feel towards my mother. I thought we had some kind of understanding. This is the problem with trying to reason with your parents. There's still this parent-child relationship where I'm wrong, and she's right. She 'knows better'. But when she decided to move to Ottawa she leaned on my so heavily and now she thinks she has it all figured out. She's never lived on her own before. And she's never had to be financially responsible for herself, despite her need to control everything. I get the fear. I moved out four years ago, and it's been the hardest four years of my life. I still haven't figure d it all out, but I've learned some things. And I know what I want, and I know how to compromise. I was willing to let go of the fact that we wouldn't be living somewhere I wanted to live. I accepted that living with my mother meant I had to let go of the idea of having a boyfriend/date over if I wanted to. I realized that in the end it was her choice. But we've discussed this for months! We agreed a two bedroom was the best idea because I need some kind of permanent living for two years while I work and save money. None of my friends can commit to that. And living on my own would be twice as expensive. It's just... all year I've thought, okay I'll live with my mum for a years after this. She made the offer to me - even said she'd happily let me keep the second bedroom as a 'home' if I ended up going abroad, and just paying her a portion for 'storage'. She promised me all this shit, and has just gone back on everything. And she's doing it all because she's thinking about herself. That's what she literally told me in the message she sent to me. That she's doing it for herself, and if I want to be a part of it, that's my choice. Well I say fuck you! My dad wants me to move back with him, and I would in a heartbeat if he didn't live in my home town still. I could never move back there. There's so much more to it, but I really give up. I just feel so cheated, once again, by my mother. I try and help her, be a good daughter because I love her, and I just want to have a family, but she has her own priorities. And I'm certainly not one of them. Even when she told me in the summer she wanted to help me get back on my feet. 5:57 p.m. - 2014-03-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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