imalex's Diaryland Diary

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I want to call him a traitor, a coward. But sometimes I wonder if I'm no different. I came here to be stronger, but I think that maybe it was done in the hope that he'd be strong too. I remember that the reason I chose Edmonton over all the other places was because there was a chance he would come too, one day. But that was a foolish thought.

Ultimately, I had always thought about doing this program. I remember looking at it four years ago, long before I had met him. Back then it seemed like such a great thing, some fantastic wanderlust thing I could do, to see the prairies.

Things just caught up with me. I'm turning 25 soon, and while I have done a lot with those years, I have so much more to go.

I guess I was always jealous. He just seemed to know what he wanted to do, and fit so well into it. I wasn't made that way. I like change too much. I get comfortable and uncomfortable too quickly. I always thought I could do anything if I had someone to love. But now that seems like an implausible rule.

Like my Uncle, I've become a jack of all trades, and a master of none. I'm smart because I know a little bit of everything. It's funny, because my loyalty never seems to translate into dedication. I don't fear commitment in friendships, in love.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm turning a page. Maybe I'll know what I want and where I fit in five years time. Maybe I just need to wander a little more.

2:10 p.m. - 2016-03-26

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