imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chasing a Ghost When I talk to people, and they try to get to know me I feel so confused. It's as if I must define myself in so many words that I am not entirely sure I agree with. Because what I think I am one day changes another. I love my new apartment. It is clean and new, and feels normal. Living in a big house with two people and cat just seemed to abnormal. As if I was settling down. Perhaps the roots were growing a little to firm by living there. I love living so close to the guys, because it makes seeing each other easier. I love living near the canal and river because I can empty this dizzy mind of mine out into their waters and for a little while feel sane. Some days I wonder what it would be like to have loved him. I just feel like I'm in the right place just at the wrong time. I want so much to be 'in', to feel like everything is right even when it gets bat shit crazy. Meh. I just need to get through this month, then go to Montreal and see how it all works out. And hopefully by July I will feel a little more normal. Ha. Sure. 11:20 p.m. - 2012-05-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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