imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fall Into A Hole For the first time in years, YEARS, I had thoughts of suicide. I don't really know where it came from, but I suppose it is due to this constant overwelheming feeling I have. Or how I only sleep four hours a night, and they are the best time of my life because I don't care. Because I'm not aware of anything. Nothing. This crazy world I am living in doesn't register in my brain. I'm just another person to all of them. Nothing special, just a girl who helps them get by on their day. To put myself out there the way I do I should have some kind of reward. Shouldn't I? Then again, I asked Classy Ben if he wanted to go to the canal with us, and when he said no I said come and keep me company and he came. That made me happy. I still like Pramodh, but with each passing day I am faced with the simple fact I could never, and will never have him no matter how much weight I loose or how great I am because he, and all the other guys are stuck in this fantasy world that I can't be apart of. I lived in the clouds, and I never won. 2:12 a.m. - 2010-10-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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