imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Loosing Everything Some days I look at old photographs and try to remember what it was like to be that age again. I look at pictures of my sister when she was fifteen and how skinny she was, and how we hardly knew each other back then. Then I think of now, how she doesn't know me anymore. How no one really knows me anymore. Because I'm not the same person. Not to them anyway. Having my parents visit this weekend made me realize how they don't really know me anymore. And how they still street me like an idiot. How they still compare Christina and I. And how to them I am still helpless. How they still speak for me, and assume my reactions and feelings. Christina thinks I like Brian. I thought she knew me better. Mum thinks I'm one of those people who like to be strong on the outside, but is sensitive on the inside. Correction I wear my emotions well, I just learned to carry on. That isn't strength, that is being wise. That is the decision that I am going to make the best of it and move on. Thoughts stay in my mind or are written on a page. But in the situation things more forward. I'm waiting for the moment it all cracks. I think sometimes I may never go home. I don't know if I can. I don't recognize myself in the mirror anymore. 12:48 a.m. - 2011-06-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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