imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the Name of the Game I magically lost ten pounds in the last few weeks. We'll see how long it stay that way. I can't say that I'm too concerned about my size anymore. No, I'm more focused on feeling my best. So if that means I spend an hour getting ready in the morning, than that's okay. Because when I put effort into my appearance it just makes me feel more productive, and positive. When I was younger I used to be so anti-appearance. In some ways I still am. Just when it comes to myself though. I never judge others on their appearance - ever. Not negatively. I always give people a chance, especially if they give me one first. I am a little screwed when it comes to work right now. I have yet to tell solutions that I can no longer work certain days, and I'm worried that when I go in on Saturday that there will be a new schedule up screwing with my Bulk Barn one. But I'm not really sure what else I can do. Something has gotta give, and Solutions ends up deciding they don't need me than I can probably swing more hours out of Balk Barn. Maybe. At least more than I was getting at Solutions. Also, I was scheduled Canada Day at Solutions and they cancelled the shift without telling me. Apparently, Louise forgot that we were closed. That annoyed me. I budgeted on the basis I would get pair time and a half. Thankfully I have a double pay check coming in next week with Bulk Barn added in now. How lost I feel when I go into work at Bulk Barn mirrors how lost I feel with everything. I have no idea where I stand with most of the guys. It's reached that point where I have run out of things to say, and I never hang out with any of them. Before I think it was mostly Tharaka who took pity on me or something. I don't really know. He's changed a little since going home. I think it is because he didn't expect to have such good friends back in Sri Lanka. Like me he got so caught up in this world, the idea of going back to our old one's seemed crazy. He's a lot more positive, and excited about his life. He isn't as confused, it seems. Or maybe because we're not talking face to face he has nothing to say. I miss him. Just as much as I miss Brian, Adam, and the Ben's. I miss all of my boys, just being able to hang out with them. I miss Jo was well, but it is different with her. Our friendship does well with distance just as it does when we're together every day. It is more natural than it is with the guys. Mostly I think it is because Jo and I aren't trying to impress each other. We got over that a long time ago. Hopefully over the next few years the same will happen with the boys. I don't know. I have made the promise to myself that I am going to take my studies more seriously this year. I've never been the best student, but when I put effort into things I always get good results. At least what I consider good results. I just try to remind myself to pace. Not to get over excited. Although I am dying for September to get here, it is two months away and that time is precious. These past three months have taught me so much, so I can only expect more to come in the next two. I've made the decision I'm not going to completely ignore my past anymore. I talked to Kayty for a bit today, and I could tell she was holding back. And it isn't just because she's sick. But I don't really know what else to do? I'm stuck out here and despite how understanding my friends they don't really know. They don't know what it's like to be on your own day in day out paying and working and buying everything you need. And trying to stay sane. Especially when you have friends who live down the street who never talk to you. 12:28 a.m. - 2011-06-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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