imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Elephant I feel cold, hard. I don't really feel anything and I don't really seem to put much thought into anything anymore. And jealously still seems to grip me. But I've become so cool towards everything, just searching for the quickest of laughs, puffing those cigarettes and drinking as quick as possible to drown the sorrow in my heart. This weekend has been really weird. I got a lot of crap off my chest, and told him just to go for it instead of being such a wish-washy bastard about it all. At this point I think that it might have blown up in his face, but things could change today or tomorrow. I've decided to just let it go. It just kills me when he hugs me and says I know him so well. But I never see him, and he says shit like that but doesn't really seem to care all that much about trying talk to me. I've sort of realised that maybe I'm just too much for him. I'm too knowing, that I make him feel young. I made it be known that I'm here for him, that he text or call me whenever he needs to talk but I feel like there's a very long list before it gets to me. Some days I feel rather lost to this life that I've built. The friends I've chosen, the love I've felt. But I'm excited for next year, and this summer. Whatever I end up doing it will be better than last year, and all I can do right now is move forward. 8:03 p.m. - 2012-02-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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