imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mystic My mother and I talked about religion today. It was interesting, because listening to her talk about how deeply spiritual she is made me really curious. Then she said something, "I don't know if you pray - epsecially when you text me that your struggling - but that's when I turn to God, and pray." When she said that, that she didn't know if I prayed, I felt myself constrict a little. I remember how I used to go to church each Sunday with her until I was fourteen. How I used to enjoy going - I knew everyone by name, and they knew me. There was Sunday school where we usually got to eat food, and I would watch movies are preform plays. But the older I got I hated it. I hated getting up early. I hated sitting through a half an hour of talking and singing, then another half hour of boring Sunday school reading the bible out loud and listening to the 'teacher' blab on about Jesus's messenge. I think my mum was really disappointed when I stopped going to church. And I don't think she realizes just how unattached I am to the Church. Even when my niece was born, I wasn't sitting there praying like I knew they were. I was simply wondering when it would all be over. Counting the minutes down until the outcome was decided. And my niece lived. And I'd like to believe we were just lucky. Lucky that she was such a little fighter. Maybe it was genetics. Maybe we caught Katie's preclamcy just in time. I have no idea. But that was the most powerful moment in my life, and I still can't remember ever turning to God, not even for one second. But I do remember feeling an emmence amount of love for that little girl when I saw her. And it was a love that at first surprised me, because I knew it the same as the love I felt for my parents and siblings, but it was different because it was the first time I had ever been faced with such a natural love in memory. I can remember a time before I knew her, and that's what makes it different. I don't know. I'm writing this paper on mysticism, and I have to seperate it from religious experience, and its making me think a lot. Not any more of less than I have other days, but I've always put myself thinking in terms of agnosticism. God could or could not exist, its not my concern. There is something beyond my understanding, and it could be anything. 7:20 p.m. - 2012-11-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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