imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wanna Go I have spent so much of my life waiting for things to happen on their own. I recognise that now. It is because I have always had this thought process that everything will work out in the end. But in reality the only time things have actually turned out the way I wanted was when I worked really hard for it, and actually put effort into. It sort of makes me think of buddhism, and karma. Put in right action, and the right results should come out of it. I need to actually put effort into things in order for results to occur. The problem with this, is I have a long history of being let down by people around me. This is why I try not to depend on anyone else but myself. And sometimes that makes it difficult for me to extend myself. Even when it comes to things like making plans with 'friends'. I put friends in quotations because often times I never know if I actually should call them that. I'd like to think I'm friends with a lot of people. Yet, I never really do feel that way when I see or talk to them. Most of the time I feel unimportant because my plans tend to get brushed off easily. There are very few people in this world who I can truly call my friends. With the guys, I try not to let myself get disappointed anymore. They don't want to hang out with me, fine, whatever. If they did, then they'd probably realize actually how much fun it can be. They just need to open themselves up some more. The thing that frustrates me about them is how different they'll act when with all their friends and how they'll act when its just me and Michelle, or a smaller group. Seriously?!?! Is is that different? No, not really. I want to do something. Now that I am getting this school thing figured out, getting the 'learning disabilities' under control and whatnot, I'd really like to get my social life back into control. Start finding things to do that aren't parties and getting hammered. Not that, that isn't it fun but why is that all we do on weekends? Why not a movie? Why not dinner? Why not going to see one of the hundred music acts/theatre/comedy/entertainment things that happen in this town on a monthly basis? Bleh. 3:03 p.m. - 2012-11-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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