imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Weight So, For the next two nights home, I plan to drink whatever alcohol is in the house and just try to ignore the twisting in my stomach, and the darkening thoughts of my head. Since coming home, it sort of has really sunk in just how isolated I made myself in the last four months. And I don't want it any more, but I have no idea how to change it without pushing things. I guess I really do have a limited amount of energy to be social - people who aren't very giving in conversation and demeanor can really trip me up so to speak - but I still have this immense need to feel closeness with someone each day. This unwavering, sometimes stifling need to be near someone, to laugh or speak or touch someone; to be just content with someone sitting next to me. It's like I have this weight on my chest. This weight that if I spend too much time thinking about, tears come to my eyes, and I feel infinitely hopeless. Really, I just can't think what else I should do. 10:53 p.m. - 2012-12-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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