imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Carrying On This is the thing, People always seem to pretend to know me. And for as long as I can remember I've always felt disconnected. And then there are these rare periods where I feel so connected, so comfortable, so right, that I loose my head. That I trust all my instinct with out judging them properly, and I fall. I've always known what I wanted, and what I dreamed of. These are two separate things. What I want is a career in music (with any level of success), and to feel healthy. What I dream of is a friend, lover, someone who will be there for me. Even if for a month, six months, a year, or more. The reason of its ending doesn't matter. I don't care about that. I can live an independent life, I'm pretty good at it. But I just doubt that I can be loved. That there is something about me that is just impossible to love. Maybe I'm too selfish? Maybe it's all this self-loathing that makes me impossible. I've never been the most constant person around when it comes to self confidence. I know it is the New Year, and I should be starting fresh. To be honest, I couldn't be arsed about all that. I've been working on improving myself for the last four months, and as the anxiety attacks come and pass, I know now I must start on the next thing to hopefully gain some kind of improvement. And I'm going to try my best to keep carrying on. 5:04 p.m. - 2013-01-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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