imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Post-Essay Writing Existentialism Independence is in my nature. But my life never seems real unless I share it with someone. As a twin its always assumed that I have a special connection with her by non-twins. The truth is, the bond I feel with her is no different from the one I have with my brother. The only difference is that my sister is my age and going through similar experiences. Growing up I used to dream that being a twin meant something more, but in reality whatever connection we have was nurtured. I used to think that because my sister had rejected me in our teen years, that I had been left with a gaping hole inside of me. But as I grew up, I realized that my notion of being a pair had been false. Despite being a twin, I was still separate of mind and of perspective. My sister did not think like I did, and while we came as a pair, we did not think like a pair. In some ways I feel like perhaps my independence comes from this early rejection. I had lost my natural companion. I didn't know where else to turn. I've had dozens of friends flint through my life, the majority of them being people who took advantage of my need to please. It took a long time, but almost eight years after my realization I've become an independent bird. But my independence is a skin that I'm not fully comfortable in. There is still a huge part of me that dreams of a companion, someone who will be in my life for the rest of my life. Perhaps not in my every day life, but someone who is there. Despite this dream, a larger part of me has come to accept that this won't come true. That my probable long life will be filled with phases, and ever-changing movements of people. This is hard to accept because my loyalty to people makes it incredibly hard for me to see that others don't carry the same for me. 11:17 a.m. - 2013-04-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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