imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cause One of These Days I'll Be Born and Raised I want to fall apart and have you hold me. I want to feel that you understand me, feel that you know I just need to be held. I've got it in my head that I'm meant to be alone. I've got it in my head that I was never met to know love. My wandering way is endlessly searching. I long for the coast, for open water. Of the cold spray of waves, and the gentleness of water lapping against the rocks. I want to hide away in the North. To where my summers were spent under a warm sun, and my back against the rocky Canadian Shield. To Georgian Bay where the water is clear and beautiful. I want to run away from him, but I want to run away from myself too. I've suddenly become a grown up. It's in the way my parents talk to me. It's in the way I laugh, and in the way I think. It's in the way he looks at me. Self-centredness pulled my family apart. It's what keeps me away from the people I love, the fear of their inability to do right by me. But my belief in the truth is what keeps me pushing. And my loyalty is what stops me from leaving people behind. Because I don't want to be left behind. I don't want to be forgotten. And that's why I care so much. I got my fear from my father. But I also got his sense of humour, and his loyalty. And I got my caring and strength from my mother. But I also got her inability to trust. It's these things that make up who I am. Fuck, I wish they would just help themselves. And I hope that I can truly say goodbye to that house. I really do. 10:30 p.m. - 2013-05-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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