imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gotta Have Faith Woo Woo I wish I knew how to meet people. I'm such an anti-social turd sometimes that I doubt I ever will meet 'someone'. I'm just so tired of being attracted to him. For having wanted something more from him. It goes against everything I believe in, loving him. That's probably why I do... I don't know if its because its been two years, or if I'm just getting really good at hiding it, but it's not the same. I can't say I've lost hope, but I've definitely stopped trying. Truth is, it's becoming easier to just be his friend. But I have the awful habit of being bored with my life and just loving whoever is the most convenient and/or most interesting is just how I am. And convenient doesn't mean simple or uncomplicated. In fact the more complicated he is, the more I'm into it. Because I don't really understand the whole love thing. I don't understand how it can be sweet, or good, or whatever. Love gets fucked up. It gets convoluted. Its the kind of mess I enjoy but have never found anyone worth getting messy with. I'm a loyal person. I don't like to let go of people easily unless they've pushed me so hard I can't hold on. But I will hold on until my hands are bruised and cut and damaged. And I like them that way. I guess... I'm just bored. Bored with my boring, lifeless, unexciting life. Waiting, or I guess playing the game of life, which is almost like playing poker isn't really that appealing to me. Patience was never my thing. 10:13 a.m. - 2013-07-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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