imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Real Every time I try to help my friends a little part of me wishes they would help me. And I'm talking emotional help, here. But I've realized over the years, that I'm really not a person who needs people to tell me how to think or how to feel. It's so rare for people to actually give me another way to think about stuff. The only people in my life who have ever known how to calm me down and make sense of my head has been my dad and sister. Because they know how I think, and they know how I feel and they know how to make sense of things, and make me laugh. They make it seem ridiculous, and then I suddenly remember how to let go of things. Not enough people in my life know how to do that. Every once in awhile when I talk to him, and I'm going on about how stressed I am, and he realizes I'm just thinking out loud, and not talking at him, he will swoop in and say what I need to hear. He will tell me to stop worrying, that things will work out. I hate how much I love him. How much I want him to be someone to be, yet know he can't be that. Not now. The timing is off. He still has a long way to go. And I don't even think that ten years will be enough. Or maybe it will. But by then he will find his perfect girl and I'll be long gone. I don't know when I decided it, but he will be the one that got away. He is the one that got away. The one that could have been. And I like it that way. I realized that just because it's all unspoken, so against how I live my life (which is to never hold anything back), doesn't stop what I feel for him from being real. 8:37 a.m. - 2013-08-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||