imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Got To Be Real Sometimes I feel like my life is not my own. I try not to be a control freak - that's not really what I am - I just fear feeling trapped and useless or helpless. But sometimes, like right now, I feel like my life isn't my own. That's I'm trying far to hard to please everyone, and losing all that makes me happy. I just had such an awful time at home. I kept it together, no tears, but I was miserable. I was sick, and everyone was so miserable. And then I find out everyone was here together, and I heard nothing about it. Even when I was texting them and trying to be interested in their lives. Like Jo. I texted her every day because I knew she was down about not being home, but she didn't even take a minute to ask how I was. Or tell me that she had invited Cody to her place for Christmas dinner. Which just irritates me because she made such a big fucking deal about wanting nothing to do with him because of her past experiences with friends boyfriends. I'm just being over sensitive. But I feel so lonely sometimes. Michelle is my only anchor, and soon Ben will be here so I don't know what that means for us. Ultimately, it will mean I'll have both of them to lean on. But I'll feel bad since they'll finally be together after three years long-distance. I just want someone in my corner. Someone to protect me when I feel this low. Someone to love me when I'm crying my eyes out over stupid things. 12:17 p.m. - 2013-12-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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