imalex's Diaryland Diary

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Grenade

I am a fool in love. I am a fool who is absolutely stupid. And stuck in this rut of unhappiness. So high one minute, so low the next. Every time... fuck.

I went for a run. For twenty minutes. Walked for ten after. I'm going for a walk/run every night I think. By myself or with people. I don't really care, I just need to exercise more. I can't just sit in my room all day. I hate it, and I walked more when I was twenty-five pounds heavier. I just feel like a fat failure. I wish someone would just give me a hug. Or that I could cry. Just let it out of me. Or something.

I listened to Counting Stars in full for the first time since I tried to kill myself. I had hoped that I would feel some kind of emotion. I didn't. I felt no different.

I can hardly think straight right now. I've been going on this roll'a'coaster for so long.

I have set up a routine for myself, and the routine starts tomorrow. It's all I can do right now.

9:48 p.m. - 2010-11-21

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