imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fatty Me I watched three Bollywood movies today. Bad idea. :( I do not know how to explain my obsession for all things Indian besides the reason I used to watch it all the time when I was little. On t.v in the morning's on the 'cultural' channel they would play Bollywood movies, and on Saturday's I would watch them after the cartoons were over. I was obsessed. I just loved the way they moved and sang. In Grade twelve it all sort of came back at me too when I became friends with Yumna. She would do henna on us whenever we were hanging out. I just love the culture, and all that stuff. I don't really know why, I just do. I would love to travel to India, and someday I will. I'm starting to crush on James (from second floor) now. I've sort of moved away from Pramodh based on the realization that he is a bit of a douche. He has this attractive confidence about him, and this need to be believed as a good and nice person but very often I get this feeling of snobbery and superiority. And I'm not the only one who thinks it. It sort of turns a girl off. Especially a girl like me who isn't all that attractive in body, makes a lot of mistakes and has made many bad decisions in life. I'm sorry if I am still trying to figure myself out. We don't all have this clear image. I want passion in my life. I feel like I sort of lost it. I'm not really sure anymore. Singing and writing music is my passion but being on this floor you begin to question your capabilities and your future. This lack of actual, physical love is affecting everything I do. It causes me to question my existence, and if it is all worth it. If anything is worth it. I just want to have some to have passion with. I don't have to love them, just this need to be with them, the need to have them right then and there. And the feeling to be mutual. I just want someone to be free with. To have fun with. To have none of the confusing "Does he like me?" bullshit. I ate so much food today, and I didn't go to the gym like I wanted. I plan on going tomorrow, probably by myself but it should be good. I need to just start going by myself all the time but it's hard. I feel like I'm gaining back all the weight I lost. 1:10 a.m. - 2010-12-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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