imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm Still They all say I've changed. And I used to think change was good. But now I'm not so sure. It's almost as if I've completely lost myself in the last year, and now I'm trying to find myself again. But because I've made such an impression on certain people I think it's impossible to have people realize I'm not who they thought. I try to play it cool and independent most days but I just want to go home. See my big brother and niece. Sit quietly in the back yard with my dad reading a book. Play with my cats. Go to work, and hang out with my friends. But out here it's just me on my own. Living in a big old empty house, with only male friends to depend on which is just shitty. I feel so stunted in everything I do. Nothing is easy, nothing goes completely the way I want. And it's ten times harder than ever before to just pick up and move on. I know I can't home. I know I never will. Because I've left everything behind there. Friends, family, a life that would have been somewhat satisfactory. If I had stayed there, made better friends with the people who still lived there I would have gotten by. I would have known what my life would be like. Instead I decided to take a chance and jump out into the great world. Everyone believes going to University is so normal. Everyone does it. But where I come from it isn't normal. People go to college, maybe go to University for a year, but other then that you stay in the same place you grew up. You keep the same friends your whole life. You change only in appearance, not personality. And I guess because I made this break, I changed. And I'm still not sure if it is good or bad. 3:11 p.m. - 2011-03-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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