imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reality Some would think I'm being over-dramatic but really I just like to be honest and prepare for the worst when it comes to the things that mean the most. I think what people don't really know about me is all the fear I have. About everything. The fear of trusting. I hide behind this facade 'of doesn't matter' and 'I don't care' when really it's like a piece of me is getting chipped away every time I use it. I'm so afraid of facing it all. Of feeling all of that disappointment, and trying to move on from it. Because this is the biggest reality check of my life. This makes me question everything. Everything. And I don't even know in what way. I love my mother but I don't think she has grasped the concept that she is my mother. Not her friend. And I can listen all day to her but in the end I don't care the way she thinks I do. She doesn't understand that at the end of the day I was still living in a land where my parents would stay together forever and that the drama with them would subside overtime. But my mother was always generous to everyone she loves. Our relationship was never good. It was tolerable. I can laugh with my mum. But she misses the point. Always. She makes everything I say into a catch phrase, a motivational speech. Something whimsical. She says my brother thinks she's crazy. In some ways I think so too. I think she's lost touch with reality just like the rest of the women in her family. The only way that I can survive is leave. Leaving her. Make her realize she is repeating her mother's history. 11:32 p.m. - 2011-07-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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