imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Montreal # 6
I had a nice day. I suppose. I�m really tired, and would have preferred a few hours in my room being quiet, and relaxing. Lea is exhausting, and being made felt like I am just this child than having to act like an adult is really annoying and frustrating. These people in their big houses, and new cars, their ability to have three fridges full of food and send their kids to nice schools, and hire bloody English girls to come and work for their kids. They drive me mad. Never in my life have I felt like a stranger in my own country. I love Montreal, and Quebec, but here I just feel like I�m not Canadian. I�m just this dumb English girl from some shit town in central Ontario. And I just feel so lonely, and so judged. But was I happy back in Ottawa? No I was uncomfortably comfortable. So free it felt like a noose. People tell me to do all these things with my life, and I want to but there is always something blocking the way. Whether it�s my own psyche or the reality I live in, there is something in the way. I�m so stressed so worried all of the time. About the future, about what I am doing, what I am saying. I�m scared all of the time. And I hate how much I love him, still. Even though I know he is the biggest jerk I know, bigger than Kevin or any of the assholes in High School. He treats me like this friend, like this person who understands and the second he�s bored or too tired he tosses me aside. And it makes me sick. Just seeing his face or hearing his voice. I hope he dies alone. 10:44 p.m. - 2012-07-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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