imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Montreal # 11 Six more days and I will be home. Six more days and I'll have to go back to my life where I am responsible for myself alone. For some reason that seems a lot more complex then the few things I have to do here. Perhaps its because when living alone I have to make all the decisions for myself. Here, I already know what is expected and what to do. It is easier, even if I get sad because I don't feel like I'm my own person living with the family, the days go quickly and for the most part all I do is watch movie, read my book, clean, swim, and play games. Sure, I have to constantly be on, constantly thinking two steps ahead as well as be attentive to every thing the kids need or don't ask for. It becomes hard to constantly think of other people, when living on your own you only have yourself to worry about. And that is far more comfortable. But at the same time it gets exhausting always making the decisions. And never being able to completely unload the decision making on someone else. I think I'm a control freak. No, I know I am a control freak. I go with the flow, and try to make everything natural but on the inside I'm actually freaking out so much. I am capable of doing a lot of things in life because I have this quiet nervousness. I know how to push myself. But I don't think anyone realizes just how much pushing most things require of me. 12:41 a.m. - 2012-07-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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