imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Outsider Defective is about the only way I've felt all my life. For whatever reasons. I like to be social and I like being around people, but I get so self-conscious of all my natural tendencies that I become withdrawn. The last two years I was a lot more social, and I knew a lot more people. I used to party a lot more. But I drank a lot more too, and became obsessed with being at work because I got all the attention I needed there. But now I don't drink as much. And I prefer to stay in my apartment than try to hang out with people. And that's mainly because I become so incredibly obnoxious. Everything just slips out. Jo says I always say a little too much. And that's its okay sometimes, but I can get mean. I spent most of high school and elementary school trying to make friends, but never really succeeding. Sure, people knew me, and I talked to them at school but outside of school no one wanted to hang out with me. I'm hyper active. I talk a lot, and I like to be doing things. And I get so obsessive. And I try to be in the moment, but my brain always seems to switch to so many places in the matter of an hour. Kayty and Margaret were my only friends for such a long time. Then I met Steph and Richard in grade twelve, and our friendship really grew out of the recognised fact that we're all 'weird'. Which is a good thing, I guess. But here again I am in the situation of having no idea where I belong. I know all these people that I call friends, but I find myself wondering all the time... how long will they stick around? Eventually I'll do something, won't I? I'll say the wrong thing too many times. I just don't know anymore. 12:40 p.m. - 2012-12-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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