imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tired of the Brave Face I hate myself. I hate how I let it get to this point again. Why don't I ever learn? I talk about the future all the time, but I certainly don't plan for it. Money is like water with me. It's only in my grasp for a second. And suddenly all the wasted money makes a huge fucking puddle and ruins the hardwood. Then it floods. And I'm dead. And I hate myself. I backed myself into this corner. Why do I live in this expensive hell hole? Why did I think I could afford to spend my vacation pay on superficial crap? I shouldn't have gone home for two weeks at Christmas, I should't have cut my hours to ten. Sure, my grades are better, and I needed to see my family, but the financial strain I've put myself on has just pushed me to worse emotional concern than anything else. And all my parents can fucking talk about is how I need to see a shrink for my ADHD. FUCK A SHRINK! I WENT TO A SHRINK FOR THREE YEARS AND NOTHING CAME FROM IT. All I got from it was funny stories, and a complex that explains I suck because I have identity issues due to being a twin. I am just so angry right now. My parents suck. They've never helped me. They've always just given me a choice to make. Didn't matter if they were right or wrong - if that even exists. Freedom to succeed, they thought. But mostly it's just turned into freedom to fail and to 'learn from it'. Yeah, well, at fifteen I didn't need that kind of freedom, I needed someone to help me. Not someone to waste my time telling me about they're fucking problems. Fuck you mum. And fuck you dad. 3:08 a.m. - 2013-02-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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