imalex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Everything in me is fighting. Fighting the urge to sleep for days. Fighting the urge to day dream this life away. Fighting to stay the course, to finish what I haven't finished before. Most days I feel trapped. Trapped by the thoughts in my head. Trapped by the physical feeling of weakness. I can feel the anxiety and the depression sucking my life force away. Some days its like I'm buried. And every conversation, every thought just piles more and more rocks and dirt on top. Yet I just keep coping? Coping because I know at some point most of the stress will be gone, and responsibilities will leave. Only a month to go. Only a season away. Seems like a lifetime ago, when I was entirely happy. Entirely calm, and entirely free. I was a child once, and I was so sure once. That I was loved, that I had friends, that I was happy. And I look at photos and I can see it in my face. The future. My past. I can see all those thoughts I had, have, and will have for the rest of my life. And for some reason this makes me feel okay? Perhaps I've come to the realization that despite the pain, it's constant. It's normal. It's life. And for every painful time, there will be some reward, some result. I survived! I persevered! I'm okay. 2:45 p.m. - 2013-03-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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